Limited Time

This year has been filled with so much pain. There has been more death this year around me then any other year I have known. And yet today, my bff since Jr.high, only brother died last night from what started as a simple headache and stomach ache. Lost one in June and another close friend a few weeks ago.It just seems that people are dropping like flies are me and quite frankly is scarring the shit out of me. Considering I am the one with the Health Issues. Makes you look a life with such delicate hands sometimes. Meaning not wanting to just not appreciate the touch of its presence and its smell of its life. We always put things off for one thing of another thinking we have just one more day or a few more hours or even 5 more minutes. We say " I will get to it"..I wonder..how many times did Derek,Gregg or Kat say that the very same day they died?? Wonder what things they postponed to do for just one more day that they never got to? We just dont have a clue how close we are to "Our" last moments, yet we constantly waste them away.without regret or hesitation. Thinking , or even aroggantly KNOWING we have plenty of time to get to that phone call, that visit, that letter..WELL so did my friends. and now they have no more time. They are GONE!

A Chance

Sometimes when I'm all alone
I close my eyes and dream
Remember back years ago
When life was what it seemed

I was young without experience
And loved life with all my might
Made mistakes and wrong choices
But always gave up a fight

Now I'm older and wiser too
And see the things I've done
My scars run deep within my soul
For the loss of my only son

O how I wish for another chance
To turn back the hands of time
To have my baby boy once again
And know that he is only mine

But life goes forward without regret
And chances are few and far apart
Choices were made and pain was dealt
As I carry it still in my heart

All I can do from today forward
Is to wait for my destiny to call
Hope and pray for one day for us to meet
Before the reaper falls

I have poems, songs and letters
From the very last day with you
Reminding my heart your still alive
And keeping my faith still true

Someday again I'll see your eyes
And know that you are real
Tell you everything I have ever done
Then finally our hearts can start to heal

written March 1,2007 10:22am Thursday for my son Paul Jr

THE DARE

Darkness is coming
The clouds are rolling near
Forget all those nightmares
This time it is fear

HE sees all your demons
And orders them to dance
To play with your reality
And put you in a trance

Your conscience is fighting
But your souls in HIS hand
The more that you struggle
Your soul becomes sand

Just pieces of grains
Powdery it scatters
Til nothing is remaining
And your mind is scattered

Weakness is common
No knowledge, No gain
But blocking out the vision
Now that's a new game

Mind over power
Like a key to a door
Once you know how
The pain will be no more

But cleverness is required
And skills there must be
So I ask you daringly?
"Do you wish to challenge me?"

Then thunder cracks above
And the sky becomes bright
With a stern calm reply
"Why yes, I just might!"